Listen to the Episode
Recording Script
EPISODE 4: FOOD
SFX A CD-ROM is placed in a CD-ROM drive.
SFX Quid Pro Euro 96 launch music.
GUIDE: Would you like to start a NEW GAME or LOAD an existing game?
SFX Mouse Click.
GUIDE: You have
SFX CD Whirr
GUIDE: ONE.
SFX CD Whirr
GUIDE: Saved games!
SFX Mouse click.
SFX Loading.
ATMOS Abandoned shopping centre. No roof.
GUIDE: I think there must have been a lot of people on this island, don’t you? You don’t get shopping centres where there’s nobody. Looks at it! It’s called: The Island Shopping Centre. I wonder if we’ll find out what happened to all the people! Probably not.
Look, the walls are still standing but the roof has caved in. That shop used to sell office chairs! And now the roof is sitting on the office chairs! Silly roof, have you got a meeting?
What do you think this area that we’re in is, right in the middle of the shopping centre? It’s got tables and benches and televisions on the walls and…
Gasp.
I know! It’s a food court! Oh that could be useful. Maybe we can pick up some provisions for the journey. Or even right now. My belly is rumbling. Look, there are stalls around the edges which used to sell different kinds of food. Stall one sold starters. Stall two sold main courses. Stall three sold desserts. And stall four sold drinks. I know. Why don’t we search them for food?
SFX. Mouse click YES.
OK! Let’s take a tray.
SFX Tray.
Huh. Look at the tray.
SFX Mouse click.
There are letters in the corners of the tray. A. B. C. D. Each one in a different sized little box. What could they mean? And look, each corner is a different colour. A is yellow, B is red, C is green and D is blue. What could it mean? Maybe if you have a better look at the stalls, you’ll find out.
SFX Mouse click.
Hey! The food stalls are different colours too. Stall 1 is green, just like corner C. Stall 2 is yellow, just like corner A. Stall 3 is blue, just like corner D. And Stall 4 is red,... just like corner B. I know! Maybe the colours on the tray and the colours on the stalls are somehow connected. But I don’t understand how. That’s for you to work out.
To find out more, click a stall.
SFX Mouse click.
SFX CD Whirr
Stall 1 is green and offers starters. It’s seen better days. Look, the menu has fused to the wood and the letters are running down the wall. And the plastic forks in the cutlery box have melted. And some starlings have built nests! There’s one in the cash register. But there’s a big green button with the letter C on the till. It’s still in good condition. Gasp. Look, the button is the same size as corner C of your tray, which is also green. Why don’t you press the button and see what that does.
SFX Mouse click.
SFX Chunky button.
SFX Dispenser.
That food dispenser is still working! It must be automatic. What did you get? A starling’s egg! It passed through that tube of cold water. If the machine was working and the water was hot, it would probably be cooked. Still, a fresh egg sounds like a good starter to me. Where do you want to store it in your tray? Remember, the green corner is corner C.
SFX Mouse click.
SFX Food in tray.
You chose the yellow corner, A. Alright. Where do you want to go next? Stall 2, stall 3, stall 4 or back to the centre of the food court?
SFX Mouse click.
You chose stall 2.
SFX CD whirr.
Wow, stall 2 is just a load of wooden struts lying in an old tureen. I think it must have looked quite pretty once in this bright marigold yellow. That’s the same colour as corner A on your tray. Hmm. That machine looks like it survived the worst of the damage. Press the yellow button with the letter A on it.
SFX Mouse click
SFX Chunky button.
SFX Dispenser.
Wow, you got some mashed potatoes and a pie! What’s in the pie? Oh delicious. Badger. Everybody knows badger loves mashed potatoes. But you can’t keep all that food in your hand! Where do you want to keep it? Remember, the yellow corner is corner A.
SFX Mouse click.
You can’t choose the yellow corner. The yellow corner has a starling egg in it.
SFX Mouse click.
You chose the red corner! But it doesn’t fit in there. Try again.
SFX Mouse click.
You chose the green corner! But it doesn’t fit in there. Try again.
SFX Mouse click.
You chose the blue corner! But it doesn’t fit in there. Try again.
SFX Mouse click.
You can’t choose the yellow corner. The yellow corner has a starling egg in it.
SFX Mouse click.
You can’t choose the yellow corner. The yellow corner has a starling egg in it.
SFX Mouse click.
You chose the red corner! But it doesn’t fit in there. Try again.
SFX Mouse click.
Are you sure you want to leave? You’ve not saved your main course.
SFX Mouse click.
Alright, you can wipe the food off your hand and on your leg. Where do you want to go next? Stall 1, stall 3, stall 4 or back to the centre of the food court?
SFX Mouse click.
SFX CD Whirr.
Stall 3 is very cool isn’t it. By which I mean: it’s blue! The colour of the sky and the sea and the flavour of raspberries. Look, the blue paint is peeling away and you can see the old paint underneath. It’s also blue. This is the dessert stall, my favourite! What happens if you press the blue button with the letter D that’s on the till?
SFX Mouse click.
SFX Chunky button.
SFX Dispenser.
Another starling’s egg! Oh yes, I can see the nest. It’s made out of blue paint peelings. Not just a starling’s egg, you’ve also got a sugar lump! Which corner of the tray do you want to put your dessert in? Remember, the blue corner is corner D.
You chose the red corner, B. Alright! Where do you want to go next? Stall 1, stall 2, stall 4 or back to the centre of the food court?
SFX Mouse click.
SFX CD Whirr.
SFX There’s a fridge here.
Stall 4 is in great condition. It must because it’s selling delicious Barra-cola. Barra-cola isn’t just full of healthy minerals, it also keeps the rain off. The bright red paint is very glossy. I don’t know about you but I am very thirsty and could do with a drink. The fridge is full of cans of Barra-cola! Press that red button with the letter B on it.
SFX Mouse click.
SFX Chunky button.
SFX Fridge door open.
Where do you want to put your drink? Remember, the red corner is corner B.
SFX Mouse click.
You can’t choose the red corner. The red corner has a starling’s egg and sugarlump in it.
SFX Mouse click.
You chose the blue corner! But it doesn’t fit in there. Try again.
SFX Mouse click.
You can’t choose the red corner. The red corner has a starling’s egg and sugarlump in it.
SFX Mouse click.
You already tried the red corner!
SFX Mouse click.
What are you trying to do?
SFX Mouse click.
I don’t understand.
SFX Mouse click.
What are you trying to do?
SFX Mouse click.
You already tried the red corner!
SFX Mouse click.
Are you sure you want to leave? You’ve not saved your Barra-cola. Barra-cola can help with studying, muscle growth and loyalty.
SFX Mouse click.
Alright. Put the can back in the fridge.
SFX Mouse click.
SFX Fridge door close.
What a shame! Where do you want to go next? Stall 1, stall 2, stall 3 or back to the centre of the food court?
SFX Mouse click.
SFX CD Whirr.
So back to the centre of the food court. Let’s see how we did! Hmm. You got: a starling’s egg, and, a starling’s egg and a sugar cube. It’s not a bad start but it’s not a meal. Why don’t you try again? Get a tray from the stack to try again.
Get a tray from the stack to try again.
Get a tray from the sta-
SFX Typing cheat code.
SFX CD Whirr.
OK! You’ve entered a cheat code.
Here’s a tray full of food!
Here’s a ship’s wheel for your boat.
Here’s an informative video. Instead of the video on food production in the 21st century, this is just for you.
Today: Cheating.
SFX Woman cycling in a quiet Dutch island.
This is Fleur, a retired concert pianist and fulltime grandmother from Vlieland. She loves cycling along the Vlieland beach, picking Vlieland strawberries, and volunteering at the Vlieland tourism office where she answers visitor’s questions first in perplexed Frysian and then, after chuckling at her little joke, in the tourists’ own language. Probably Dutch.
SFX Piano playing in a house.
And when she’s at home, Fleur’s favourite activity is playing a duet on her Steinway piano with her granddaughter, Kim.
SFX Listening to Vivaldi on a Hi-Fi in the next room.
There’s Kim now, listening to Vivaldi on her grandmother’s Hi-Fi.
Kim idolises Grandmother Fleur. Next autumn, she’s beginning her studies at the Royal Conservatoire of The Hague. Congratulations, Kim! That’s a great school, and only twenty minutes from the station - which will take you to many better places than The Hague.
However, although Dutch higher education is subsidised, Dutch sheet music is not. Dutch sheet music is the very best because it is legible in every language. It’s expensive.
Fleur wants to help her granddaughter with her dream. But her pension doesn’t stretch far. She has decided to sell her piano. There’s not much demand for Steinways in Vlieland so her old friends at the Friesland Philharmonic are doing her a favour and clubbing together to give what they can. The piano will be donated to a school if a big enough school can be found.
SFX Someone dragging a piano away.
Kim is very lucky to have such a loving grandmother, Fleur.
But there’s a problem. To subsidise higher musical education in the Netherlands, and keep everyone talking about Dutch composers, the sale of instruments is subject to a high tax. Very little of the money can go to Kim: it’s earmarked for the Dutch cultural ministry’s ongoing bid to get other countries to sign up to Classical Eurovision. What can Fleur do?
SFX QPE Sigh
She has come to a decision. She will send her granddaughter to The Hague! On her next tax return, Fleur will not declare the sale of the piano. She is going to cheat the Dutch economy. Oh dear.
SFX The Hague railway station. Lots of nice specifics in this video including some announcers!
The following September, where’s Kim? Kim is here. And where’s here? Here is a railway station in The Hague that she is going to get to know very well. And what’s that she’s holding?
SFX Sheet music.
Why, it’s piles and piles of sheet music. Study well, Kim, your country is depending on you.
And Fleur?
SFX Dutch police cars arrive and knock at the door.
While Kim is at the Conservatoire, Fleur is in the conservatory, sitting on the floor in the spot she used to keep her piano stool. The early morning sun is coming through the windows. And the police are knocking at the door.
The European Union cannot thrive if everyone plays by their own rules. Fleur is a cheat. She will put on a blellow jumpsuit and sit on the naughty step in central Vlieland. It’s a long sentence and the nights are getting cold. Let’s hope it was worth it.
SFX Dies.
It wasn’t worth it.
It is never worth it.
In the twenty-first century, every time you’ve cheated will be written into your passport.
Top tip: Do not cheat.
That was fascinating! Who knew that food is going to change that much in less than ten years? I can’t wait to try Tuna Two Thousand. Come on then, let’s see what else we can find. Before we move on, would you like to save your game? To Save, press CTRL, ALT, DELICIOUS.
SFX That.
GUIDE: Would you like to SAVE, start a NEW GAME, LOAD an existing game or QUIT?
SFX Click.
GUIDE: Saving in Slot 1.
SFX Saving. Ding!
GUIDE: Would you like to PLAY ON, LOAD another saved game, or QUIT?
SFX Click + Quit
GUIDE: OK. Goodbye for now. See you back on the island next time you play Quid Pro Euro 96! Quid Pro Euro 96 is a European Videos game.
SFX Quid Pro Euro 96 shuts down. CD-ROM removed.